Glossary

For those of you who know Blake and me extremely well, you'll probably get what we're saying in our posts on this thing. For the rest of you, we use a slightly different vernacular than the ordinary English-speaking person.

So Blake and I have decided to post a glossary of terms we often use, to help you better understand what we mean in our writings. If you don't understand all of them, don't worry. Neither do I.

Big Pig (verb) -- When someone is going Big Pig, they’re going ultimate annoying slash making you go fake worst. Big Pig can occur in various forms (i.e. asking the same question over and over again, poking someone in the arm repeatedly, etc.)

One can go Big Pig on someone in the wee hours of the morning as well. One does this by sneaking into John Doe’s room when he’s sound asleep then crawling over him and making obscenely annoying and very loud sounds; this serves as an unwanted, worst ever alarm clock. Typically, when this happens, the unfortunate recipient will yell out in a sleep-deprived daze: “(NAME), NOOOOO BIG PIG!!!”

fake (adj or adv) -- when a person's actions or reactions indicate an extreme emotion, but are not genuine.
Sample usage: Blake ordered a single half-slice of toast at Waffle House to go fake frugal-roogle for classic purposes.

frugal-roogle (anything) -- the description of an item or an action that is blatantly, ridiculously cheap.
Sample usage: Coney's tipping the waitress 23 cents was ultimate frugal-roogle.

FULL NUDE (adj) -- synonymous with going "all-in" while playing poker.
Sample usage: "Wow, so you guys are really doing it, huh? Ultimate road trip across the country?" "Yeah, man, we're going FULL NUDE."

going best OR best moment (verb) -- reacting to a developing situation as if it were the best moment of a person's life.
Sample usage: When Coney found a $100 bill on Santa Monica Boulevard, he went best.

going worst OR worst moment (verb) -- reacting to a developing situation as if it were the worst moment of a person's life.
Sample usage: Coney went worst when he woke up covered in ketchup.

MA-(followed by a digit) (noun) -- a ratings system in which the subject's expression, fatigue, or general cleanliness is compared to that of a person who has been locked in the Mom's Attic of a U-Haul truck for the chosen rating's number of hours.
Sample usage: By the time we arrived in Crested Butte, Coney was going fake worst when he got out of the car at MA-7 status.

Editor's note: MA-100 is the max. We’ve determined that it’s impossible to survive in Mom’s Attic for over 100 hours without food, water and fresh air… especially in extreme summer conditions or, conversely, bitter winter conditions.

psuedo (adj or adv) -- similar to "fake," but mixes up the lingo a bit.

safe (adj) -- any general event that will generally not cause the participants to go full worst. Commonly used as part of a rhetorical question, in which the answer is typically "no."
Sample usage: Blake randomly ran up and speared the man who had a full-back tattoo of angel wings, but then noticed he was packing heat. Safe?

slash (conj) -- similar to the word "and;" used to further describe a varying yet similar form of accomplishment. Typically, this word will be preceded by a word from Blake's glossary, and followed by an expression to describe the scenario to common English-speaking people.
Sample usage: The guy pumping our gas in New Mexico was rocking a fake mustache slash looked like Adam Morrison.

standard (adj) -- that which is expected; commonly used sarcasticly to describe that which is out of the ordinary or unexpected. Regularly preceeded by the words "pretty fuckin'."
Sample usage: Tuesday in downtown Chicago was pretty f'in standard.

ultimate (various uses) -- the highest form of imitation; to complete an act, either fake or genuine, with impeccable accuracy. (This may be hard to catch onto, but just follow us here, and maybe you'll get the hang of it.)
Sample uses:

• going ultimate -- As Blake consumed the 40-oz. steak, he was going ultimate A1 slash 'I'll eat anything.' Stew took twice his share of mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving dinner, and was thus charged with going ultimate mashed potatoes. Across from Blake sat a buxom young lass, who appeared to enjoy going ultimate cleavage.
• ULLLLLLLLLLTIMATE -- Dude was going ULLLLLLLLLLLLTIMATE!!!
• ultimate ultimate -- (When someone is clearly trying to go ultimate) Blake wore his sunglasses throughout the entire nighttime drive thru Missouri just to go ultimate ultimate.
• fake ultimate -- (heart's not really into it, somewhere between half-assed effort and not quite full potential)

ultimate helicopter (verb) -- Having one's car picked up by a gigantic military helicopter with a magnet hanging down from it, and being dropped off at a completely random location in the contiguous 48 states.
Sample usage: Blake and Coney went worst when they were 20 miles from Crested Butte, but got ultimate helicoptered to Augusta, Maine.

WYR (pronounced: wire) -- stands for "Would You Rather," a situation in which one is given two equally horrifying options, and is forced to choose one of the other. Often executed in a game show voice.
Sample usage: "Woooould you raaather: eat a turd sandwhich (NO CONDIMENTS) one-time only, OR have to go ultimate helicopter three times."

That's all for now,
TC